Iain spoke about relationship issues.
BiG Event Report
The topic Iain was addressing was relationship issues and he covered these under four headings:
1. A helicopter view of what areas relationships cover
2. Things which subvert good relationships
3. Things which enhance good relationships
4. What we can do with respect to our relationships
Iain principally followed through each heading by using illustrations to make his points.
1. Helicopter view
The helicopter view he illustrated initially by highlighting recent articles in the newspapers with respect of relationships beginning from babies in the womb to love and economics, a wide range of issues which affect our lives.
The example of Les Miserables covered the trust that was broken between Jean Valjean, the prisoner who was released from prison taken in by Bishop Myriel. Despite the trust placed in him Valjean steals from the bishop and thus the relationship is tested but to his astonishment Myriel becomes complicit in the theft. What can we learn from relationships tested to the limit?
2. Subvert good relationships
Iain used the example of the enmity between France and Germany to highlight the effects of broken relationships between countries. He also discussed how relationships within our families can also be tenuous with respect to the mis-matched expectations between parents and children, and basic misunderstandings.
The area of differences within relationships at work was also discussed and Iain gave illustrations of how delicate these relationships can be. Between employers and unions, between two departments in one company, the bullies that affect other people’s lives and work, the bosses that either help or sometimes hinder.
It is easy to find the issues that subvert good relationships but what enhances them?
3. Enhance good relationships
Iain demonstrated that there are ways and means of overcoming the broken relationships that exist. He illustrated again from Les Miserables, the Bishop Myriel who protects Jean Valjean for his crime. He accepts him, he forgives him and he loves him, much to Jean Valjean’s astonishment.
Between France and Germany a small minority found another way other than always continually resorting to war. With extreme effort and the desire to understand and reconcile they forged a way through after the Second World War by fusing together heavy industry across the borders so that they could not war again without destroying their own economies. This led eventually to the Common Market and the European Union.
Within families the issue is slightly more varied but nevertheless the same kind of determination must exist, not to have more of the same but the determination to change behaviours. This can begin somewhere with one person on one side of the relationship being willing to make the change and being determined to persevere.
In the world of work there is the need to identify where the poor behaviour lies and sometimes it needs personal courage and wisdom in knowing how to tackle that and to persist.
Iain then gave examples of difficult relationships he had worked through in his own experiences.
That brings us down to the final conclusion in the four issues, to what can we do?
4. What can we do?
We have to acknowledge that we cannot be responsible for anyone else’s behaviour but our own. Iain referred to the Apostle Paul who said ‘as much as it lies within you, do good to all.’ So that takes a bit of getting to know ourselves, to be mature about how we see things, to reflect over issues, be open to others’ observations of us and willing to change if necessary.
It means we need to be prepared to develop further, to develop listening skills and find what enables us to be more empathetic towards other people. This may mean taking a course or finding someone in a professional capacity who can really enable us to be more open to ourselves.
All these things involve listening, listening and listening. In other words we want to respond to situations that are difficult rather than react to them, also to respond in a clear-headed and level way. We need to go on showing respect and courtesy and it is clear that our current generation is suffering more and more from the lack of conventions that protect us from entering into confrontation rather than enhancing relationships.
Conclusion
To conclude, Iain summarised by reminding us that human beings are relational beings and therefore there will always be issues with respect to their relationships. To develop trust and acceptance, to help and even to love our neighbour means effort will need to be put into those relationships.
These characteristics will demand courage, wisdom and determination to follow through a vision of what is possible. When you look at modern history and what has been achieved in the political scene in Europe it is clear that some of those things which seem impossible can be done. Always at the bottom of it all is the desire to respect others and to carry out what the best Teacher in the world said – the imperative to love our neighbour.